I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
