Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
