no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
