Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
