you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
