I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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