I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
