the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
