At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
