So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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