Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
