I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
