So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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