To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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