i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
