Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
