Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
