If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
