so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
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