try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
