The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
that is very illegal...i love you.
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