I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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