I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
