Your face is a jimmy john
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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