I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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