I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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