party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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