We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
