piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
