It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
