she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
