So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
