dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
