Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
