going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
