why didn't you poke me back
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
