you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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