I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
