No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
