I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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