Me too!
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
