Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
