This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
