if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
