Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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