This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
