This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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