i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
