so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
now i know why i became what i already was.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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