how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
