I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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