For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
