accomplished twins. life is a go
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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